Tirico Suave

This video features roughly 12 of the 35 fans that attended last night’s UFL matchup between Las Vegas and Florida.
One word describes the scene: YIKES!

Let’s take a brief moment to observe and jot down some notes:

What is this gaggle of fans even trying to spell out? Las Vegas? Losman? Locos? Fittingly, they ended up with [...]

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JP Losman was sacked six times in last night’s laughable 29-15 loss to the Florida Tuskers. For a Bro that pounds the drums, he was completely void of rhythm.
Let’s do a quick recap of JP’s failures:

Happy feet in the pocket? Check.
Staring longingly into the eyes of his receivers? Check.
Managing to look like more of a [...]

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Taming the UFL beat isn’t easy. Tonight, I literally sweat blood, leaving a bigger imprint on my couch than usual.
Here’s the first installment of a three-part post. All of the material was derived from last night’s titillating game between the Las Vegas Loco(motive)s and the visiting Florida Tuskers.
QB Brooks “Bollywood” Bollinger showed the same promise [...]

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I’ll probably grow tired and weary of creating UFL posts by Friday. But today’s Wednesday. And who’s to say the league will even make it to Friday?
So, yeah, here’s another helping from the Uncle Fester League.
Unlike Big Mikey Francesa, I have accepted “Twittah” as a vital cog in the media machine. Even the UFL has [...]

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Unlike any other professional sports league in the history of overpaid Neanderthals, the UFL has decided to lower ticket prices.
That’s right, the Underperforming Funds League has enacted a currency throwback night in an attempt to sell tickets.
Las Vegas’ UFL team has repriced tickets at its home games to $10 dollars for all but the most [...]

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Sideline reporter Anita Marks’ audio-visual abortion was the ultimate intro to the UFL’s comical inaugural season.
In a league where JP Losman is Peyton Manning, Marks proved to be a cracked-mirror image of Suzy Kolber.
Now, I present Chicago Sun-Times Bears reporter Brad Biggs, who joins Marks and Losman as the UFL’s version of Peter King. Biggs [...]

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Last night, sideline reporter Anita Marks proved that virtually everything in the nascent UFL is shoddy.
Here’s a clip of Marks reporting live during the season-opener between Las Vegas and California.
Now, let’s break it down.

Starts off the report by noting she’s “still alive” after a violent play on the sideline. Keep in mind this whole report [...]

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Unlike the XFL, the UFL didn’t resort to using The Anarchist Cookbook when formulating its rulebook. But they didn’t clone Roger Goodell’s socialist doctrine, either.
There are merely subtle differences. For instance, Tom Brady’s tuck has been amended into the fuck rule. Also, cameras are welcomed into the locker room at halftime.
As a result of the [...]

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