Tirico Suave

Where There’s Always Plenty Of Schadenfreude To Go Around

Tirico Suave

Entries Tagged as 'Seattle Mariners'

Jarrod Washburn’s Spot On Self-Aware Critique As To Why He Wasn’t Traded

August 17th, 2008 · 2 Comments

A rumor from last week had the Twins claiming Washburn off waivers, yet a deal was not worked out, most likely because those wily Mariners don’t plan on losing in September and at 46-76 are poised to make a run at the wild card. The deal had the Twins sending Boof Bonser to Seattle for [...]

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Tags: Harvey Bars · Jarrod Washburn · MLB · Seattle Mariners

The Yankees’ Plan For Overcoming The Sox And Rays? Acquiring All Of Seattle’s Crap

July 23rd, 2008 · 4 Comments

Fewer things in baseball give me more pleasure than New York Yankee panic moves. Even better is when those panic moves involve signing or trading for the biggest disappointments and/or wastes of space off my favorite team. Well right now, the Fightin’ Hanks are treating me like a Make-A-Wish Kid who has eleven minutes to [...]

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Tags: Harvey Bars · Jarrod Washburn · MLB · Seattle Mariners

Remembering Richie

July 10th, 2008 · 5 Comments

The Mariners continued the process of purging their system of all things Bavasi today by releasing the 20th highest paid player in all of MLB, Richie Sexson. His .218 average will be missed and I figured I’d do my part to commemorate the big guy’s tenure in Seattle with some crude animation that shows what [...]

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Tags: Harvey Bars · Richie Sexson · Seattle Mariners

Mariners Miscarriage Of A Season Continues

July 7th, 2008 · 6 Comments

So you’re telling me you think you have what it takes to manage a major league ballclub. Ok, fine. Let’s test your knowledge of in-game strategy. It’s the 15th inning. The game is tied 1-1. You’re at home. Who do you send out to face Detroit’s 4-5-6 hitters in the top of the 15th?:
a) lefty [...]

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Tags: Cy Young Candidate R.A. Dickey · Harvey Bars · Jim Riggleman · Seattle Mariners

It’s Time For The Mariners To Trade Erik Bedard In

June 27th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Last February, the precocious Mariners franchise went down to a Baltimore area Gamestop and laid down some hard earned prospects to acquire the latest installment of a video game franchise that was seemingly ready to live up to it’s hype. When early editions of the game were first released to little or no fanfare, gamers [...]

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Tags: Erik Bedard · Harvey Bars · MLB · Seattle Mariners

Hello Mets, My Name Is R.A. Dickey And I Own You

June 25th, 2008 · 2 Comments

R.A. Dickey v. the Mets = Charlie Hough + (Phil Niekro x Tom Candiotti).

7 IP, 6 H, O R, 5K. If only the M’s could play Team Manuel every day.

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Tags: Cy Young Candidate R.A. Dickey · Harvey Bars · MLB · Seattle Mariners

Death Of A King

June 23rd, 2008 · 1 Comment

Felix Hernandez, colloquially known as “The King,” was dueling against fellow countryman Johan Santana on Monday evening in the house that beer shits built.
With the bases loaded, The King flushed a Santana fastball deep into the bowels of the opposite field. Felix trotted around the bases all wide eyed and giddy. He looked totally unaware [...]

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Tags: Humor · Losloseeboy · MLB · Seattle Mariners · Video

Using The Animal Kingdom To Demonstrate Bill Bavasi’s Tenure With The Mariners

June 16th, 2008 · 1 Comment

For this next performance, the part of Bill Bavasi will be played by the golden eagle while the part of the entire Mariners organization will be played by the goat. The mountain represents the 2003 season while the 2008 season will be rep’d by the valley below. Enjoy.

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Tags: Bill Bavasi · Harvey Bars · MLB · Perfect Animal Analogies · Seattle Mariners

Today Is A Good Day. Bill Bavasi Has Been Fired.

June 16th, 2008 · 5 Comments

June 16, 2008. What an absolutely glorious day. Bill Bavasi is no longer the general manager of the Seattle Mariners. Clearly I’m excited.

Vice president/associate GM Lee Pelekoudas will serve as the interim GM for now. Whether he assumes the position full time or they hire someone else, as a favor I’ll compile a list of [...]

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Tags: Bill Bavasi · Great Days In American History · Harvey Bars · MLB · Seattle Mariners

The Presence Of Towels And Postgame Buffets Make Baseball Teams Play .350 Baseball

June 5th, 2008 · 13 Comments

Look at those evil towels, just sitting there, waiting to suck the talent out of major league ballclubs. Luckily for the Mariners, manager John McLaren, fresh off his audition for the next Jay and Silent Bob movie, has had the towels, food and beer removed from the Mariners’ locker room in an effort to make [...]

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Tags: Bill Bavasi · Carlos Silva Does Not Deserve Financial Freedom · Fire Matt Millen · George Sherrill >>>> J.J. Putz · Harvey Bars · Johjima? More like BLOWjima · Linens N Things · MLB · Managers That Are In Over Their Heads · Obligatory Barry Sanders Mentions · Seattle Mariners · Why I Like Fantasy Sports More Than Real Sports