You can add Kendry Morales breaking his ankle after hitting a walk-off grand slam to the list of completely ridiculous injuries suffered by baseball players. Forget steroids, the length of games, a lack of competitive balance and/or salary cap. Now that no one’s allowed to take steroids as a means of recovery (hope you’re happy traditionalists!), the greatest threat to the modern game is rough housing and baseball’s number one priority should be the outlawing all forms of these practices. You know it’s only a matter of time before someone suffers a career-ending injury after taking a plateful of shaving cream to the cornea so I say we nip this problem in the bud and call out to Major League Baseball to also ban the following: dog piles, shaving cream pies, hot foots, flat foots, purple nurples, pink bellies, wet willies, dry willies, towel snaps, wedgies, atomic wedgies, superatomic megahyper wedgies, rug burns, Indian burns, Eric Byrnes, spitballs, swirlies, Hertz donuts, noogies, Rickrolling, two-for-flinching, punch buggy Red, bediddles, making others look at a circle below your waist then punching them, teabagging, schoolyard tripping, ego trippin’, daydreaming, acting like Jeff Kent, Dutch ovens, panty raids, cow-tipping, listening to Jerky Boy cassettes, Chinese fire drills and stink bombs.
Also, MLB, while I have your attention, enough if with the YouTube gestapo bullshit. Just let us basement-dwelling troglodytes do the work for you. It won’t kill you to have one aspect of your sport enter the 21st century.