America was introduced to this Rutgers/Bon Jovi fan — imagine that! — on YouTube last year.
Well, ESPN ventured into Piscataway last night for the Scarlet Knights’ matchup against USF and tracked down Lil’ Jovi. They took the boy from out behind that shitty 3.1 megapixel camera and plopped him in front of an HD one. And then they threw Erin Andrew into the mix.
Lil’ Jovi — embodying the personality of another one of Jersey’s most famous sons — didn’t disappoint.
4-7 seconds: “Just how the teammates are . . . fuck this team in its swampy asshole!”
7-11 seconds: “They are doing OK this season.” Translation: We didn’t pay Schiano all this green to watch the team climax with another pedestrian home win over an equally unimpressive Big East team.
Lest we forget Rutgers only has to beat Greg Paulus’ Orange next week to ensure the program’s third straight season with at least eight wins. Yes, this is the same team that averaged roughly three wins a year during the 90s. With that said, Lil’ Jovi might be the first entitled Rutgers football fan in the program’s sordid history.
18 seconds: Notre Dame has Joe Montana. Rutgers has Mike Teel.
The Teel appeal — if not completely hilarious — is understandable. He completed 21-of-26 passes for 447 yards and seven touchdowns in last year’s 63-14 drubbing of visiting Louisville, which is the game Lil’ Jovi is reminiscing about. Too bad that was the pinnacle of Teel’s quarterbacking life. Now, he’s relegated to backing up a bald asshole in Seattle.
22-25 seconds: The name “Tom Savage” should NEVER be included in a sentence with the bastardized verb “ballin’.”
29-30 seconds: Points are nice, sure. You know what’s nicer? Shutting out USF for the first time in its 13-year history.
36-55 seconds: Just a horribly awkward ending with a forced exchange about bedtime, school and guns. And it will only get more awkward when Lil’ Jovi’s teacher catches him and Lil’ Sambora googling “Erin Andrews” tomorrow.
