Unlike any other professional sports league in the history of overpaid Neanderthals, the UFL has decided to lower ticket prices.
That’s right, the Underperforming Funds League has enacted a currency throwback night in an attempt to sell tickets.
Las Vegas’ UFL team has repriced tickets at its home games to $10 dollars for all but the most prime seats. The Locomotives previously priced tickets from $7 to $42, and sold 12,000 tickets for their home opener last week. The Locos play at Sam Boyd Stadium, which is also the site for the UFL championship Nov. 27.
I envision the following scene will be recreated at countless UFL tailgates this season.
With that said, the UFL needs to bottle Dennis Hopper’s attitude in “Blue Velvet” and fucking run with it.
For example, here’s the slogan that should be plastered on billboards across Nevada:
TOM BRADY?
FUCK THAT SHIT!
J! P! LOSMAN!
If the UFL can get Pabst to sponsor that campaign, I guarantee the league stays afloat for a minimum of two more seasons. But can we pleeeeeeeeeease move the Locomotives out of Vegas? This Jack London-like idealism is only going to work if JP’s team relocates to Reno. The UFL needs to stop trying to fool itself with this Vegas business. Vegas is Nevada’s NFL. Reno is Nevada’s UFL.
Ya dig?