Besides the lasting image of Rick Pitino banging a broad in a restaurant, there are an infinite amount of sleazy details caked up around the edges of this scandal.
Here’s a little recap:
- There’s the obvious angle of Karen Cunagin Sypher using the power of the pussy to try and swindle the smooth Italian form NYC.
- Pitino told police he was at the restaurant was to celebrate the hiring of new Louisville assistant coach Reggie Theus. (Like Pitino, Theus eventually ascended to the NBA coaching ranks — only to fail miserably.)
- Pitino and Porcini’s 509’d website blew both blew their load.
- A twisted detail that’s kind of buried is that Pitino talked to Cunagin Sypher’s son before doing his mommy. (While certainly not the authority on morals, it’s worth noting that Pitino has four sons and one daughter with his wife of 33 years.)
- Despite not being directly related to the scandal, it’s also worth noting that there’s an acid horse on the sidewalk outside Poricini’s.
- According to Cunagin Sypher, she initially went to Porcini’s to interview with Michael Przybylek. Przybylek, the former vice president of production at the The Courier-Journal — which has displayed condom-like coverage of this scandal — refuted her claims that it was a planned meeting. (While not directly related to the case, I find it funny that Przybylek was given the title of former VP of production. What does he do now? Why did he leave his former position? To be honest, I haven’t the slightest idea. But it might have something to do with the fact he played a key role in purchasing a state-of-the-art $85 million printing press. It was also the first time anyone purchased a “state-of-the-art antique.”
- Tim Coury, the restaurant’s owner, left before the Pitino unleashed his flesh pistol. He gave Pitino the keys and instructed him to lock-up after exiting. This proves that Pitino’s stature in Louisville is on par with that of Christopher Walken’s character in King of New York. With that said, I imagine John Calipari will receive the same God-like treatment in Lexington — only the restaurant will be stocked with busty 21-year-old virgins.
- It needs to be noted that Vinny Tatum — Pitino’s former executive assistant — lingered around the Porcini Restaurant to hear The Coach “get after it.” Did you lose the keys to the car, Vin?
- When notified that his super sperm had done it again — this was the seventh reported time that Pitino had impregnated a woman — Pitino employed Louisville equipment manager Tim Sypher’s condo as a safe house to discuss the bastard child with Cunagin Sypher. Tim Sypher, who hadn’t previously met Cunagin Sypher, ended up marrying her six months later. The couple would have five children together. Eerily, they gave birth to four boys and one girl, perfectly replicating Pitino’s reproductive effort. Combined, the two families have enough ankle biters to play a full-court game.
- During the meeting at Tim Sypher’s condo, Cunagin Sypher alleged that Pitino raped her. Let that sink in for a second. She accused Rick Pitino of raping a pregnant woman. Too bad Pitino was off in California more-than-likely wooing recruits with sex and money (not substantiated, of course). Still, even that would be a far cry from raping a pregnant woman.
- In addition, Cunagin Sypher claimed that future husband Tim Sypher did nothing to prevent the second rape. It’s not like that would deter her from eventually marrying him.
- Not surprisingly, the couple is getting divorced. Still, Tim Sypher is left with a horrible image (scroll up top again) that won’t subside anytime soon.
