With the losses mounting by the day, Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher’s perceived personality has gone from “hard-working quirskter” to “insolent poser.”
In response, manager Joe Girardi is aiming to sign renowned New York cabbie Travis Bickle. The plan is to curb Swisher and insert Bickle as the team’s No. 1 distraction-veiled-as-an-oddball.
“Travis’ discipline is only rivaled by his sound moral code,” said Girardi, who admitted to watching the Martin Scorsese classic after Hank Steinbrenner finally gave him DVD remote control privileges in the clubhouse in early June.
A longtime fan of De Niro’s work, Girardi admitted to dressing up as Bickle for Michael Kay’s 2009 “only-painted-pinstripes” Halloween party.
If the Yanks are successful in pulling off a deal, Girardi said Bickle’s intense daily workout regiment would become mandatory.
“We won’t stop until every square mile of Carsten’s Continent is tight,” Girardi said, referring to injured pitcher CC Sabathia.
Girardi realizes the acquisition of a complete psychopath like Bickle could backfire, but he’s willing to take the risk. After all, his managerial style — which was fostered alongside a youthful Marlins squad — has been like trying to get James Dolan to read Horatio Alger.
“Finally, we will have a true leader in the clubhouse,” Girardi said, also citing Bickle’s perverse nature that would undoubtedly mesh well with one Alex Rodriguez.
Girardi harped on the fact that “Taxi Driver” premiered in 1976, which was the same year the Yankees returned to a renovated stadium. He likened it to 2009, but failed to mention the ‘76 Yanks were swept in the World Series by the Reds. Billy Martin, who managed that squad, returned and won it all in ‘77.
If the Bickle experiment doesn’t work out, Girardi’s failure is expected way before 2010.
