Schadenfreude-inspired time waster of day: F*** My Life. I don’t know exactly how long it’s been around, but it’s new to me, so here you go. It’s a simple enough concept: a web site where anyone can go and share instances detailing how godeffing miserable their life is, via short Twitter-esque entries. Yes, it’s possible the stories are pure fabrication, but even so, they’re keeping me from doing actual work, which is all I can ask really for. A few of my favorite examples:
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room….my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, “I got your best friend pregnant”. FML
Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML
Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, “Why’d you do that??” He said, “I have lice, now you have lice too!” FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, “I’m so drunk. What you up to, girl?” It was my dad. FML
Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML
Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend’s wall “Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.” We hooked up last night. FML
Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was “Sometimes it’s okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped.” FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
