Tirico Suave

The Schadenfreude Heard ‘Round The World

Tirico Suave

The Mariners Continue To Be The Evil Empire Of Mediocre Acquisitions

Posted by Harvey Bars · December 3rd, 2008 · 1 Comment

Mariners Sign Russell Branyan

Great. Russell Branyan. Sentences like this immediately frighten me:

I have a feeling Branyan will be doing more than just backing up. Let’s see. Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik says he can play both infield spots, or serve as the DH.

The Extra Innings package should really be complimentary for Mariners fans at this point. Rotoworld seems to sum it up best:

He COULD be a league-average first baseman for the Mariners at a bargain price. (emphasis mine)

So maybe there’s a chance he could possibly be pehaps league-average?!? Consider these fingers crossed!

Throw us a bone Mr. Zdawaxcnksk. Ask your boss to throw some of that Wii cash that’s no doubt streaming in at Adam Dunn. All he does is hit 440 foot homers, walk, and strike out. We’ll take that.

And while you’re at it, sign Griffey. I don’t care if he stinks now. Fan bases tend to be less angry when they’re feeling nostalgic.

I root for the Seattle Mariners, Detroit Lions and Dallas Stars. If anyone could find three worse teams that they root for, then I’ll……no, wait, you’re wrong. Those are three worst teams in professional sports right now.

Tags: Harvey Bars · MLB · Russell Branyan · Seattle Mariners

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Hef // Dec 4, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    I was going to suggest the Natsty’s, but then I remembered that the Mariners are TRYING to lose. (Emphasis Seattle’s).

    [Reply]

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