1. The Ruggedly Handsome Cleft-Chinned Elephant In The Room.
Yup, shit happens. And to think, the Pats were an 18-0 juggernaut just seven short months ago and now they are being led by someone who hasn’t started a game since high school. How’s that ’safe fantasy pick’ working out for all you Tom Brady owners now? Funny thing is though, while it’s fun to see an evil franchise crippled in an instant, part of me feels as if I’m getting a little gipped (or is it gypped? Hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever written that word before) as an NFL fan though. I do heart me some offense and the Pats made for some enjoyable television. Fewer teams in all of professional sports play the role of heel better than these Pats and now they just seem very feeble and Shelley Levene-like pathetic. And what where left with now is four months of bad Cassel/Castle puns and other unforeseen trickle-down effects such as….
2. Just When You Thought You’ve Heard Every Angle Possible Regarding Brett Lorenzo Favre…..
Unbelievable. Much to the revelry of a good portion of the Tirico Suave staff, it looks like the New York Jets are now the early favorites to win the AFC East in this post apocalyptic NFL world of ours. However, this disappoints me verily. I like my Favre news to be negative or non-existent and my Jets fans hopeless and mopey. Looks like I picked the wrong season to quit sniffing glue.
3. Congrats To My Lions On Their Record Shattering Performance Yesterday.
It usual takes three to four weeks for my unbridled optimism toward Detroit to be sucked out of me, but the ‘08 Lions managed to do so in only a mere 87 seconds. Matt Ryan looked as if he was still playing against the Tar Heels while Michael Turner ran a muck in the space once occupied by Shaun Rogers. And for those keeping track at home, losing your best player to prison, having your coach leave midway through the year to go back to college and trading away your top cornerback is less detrimental and easier to recover from than say, hiring Matt Millen and placing him in charge of every aspect of your franchise.
4. Ryan Braun And Jose Calderon May Have To Start Clearing Out Some Space In The Roto Mancrush Wing That Exists In My Head And My Heart.
First the rational response:
What I saw from Titans’ running back Chris Johnson yesterday was highly encouraging. He demonstrated his much discussed speed and knack for making plays. It appears that everything Jeff Fisher spoke about in the preseason was true and Johnson could be headed for a featured spot in the offense.
Now, what I’m feeling on the inside:
YEAH SUCK ON THAT BITCHES!!!! I TOLD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! CHRIS WHO? YOU SAID! OH HE’S THE TITANS BACK WHO ISN’T A FAT PIECE OF SHIT! DON’T WORRY I’LL JUST WAIT AND GRAB HIM WHILE ALL YOU IDIOTS TAKE EDGE OR MCGAHEE!!! ESPN MIGHT AS WELL SEND A CAMERA CREW TO JOHNSON’S HOUSE NOW TO FILM NEXT YEARS NFL FANTASY HALL OF FAME COMMERCIAL!! I’M A FUCKING ROTO-GENIUS!! CHRIS JOHNSON IS ALL THAT IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!
5. This Week’s Super Bowl Pick.
Atlanta 63 – Buffalo 51.
