It’s a sad state of affairs in Miami.
Chad Pennington — the 13th quarterback attempting fill Dan Marino’s Super Bowl-less shoes — might be the organization’s best option since Dan left to elope with Lois Einhorn.
Let’s examine it:
- Chad “Garden hose arm” Pennington > Jay Fiedler
- Chad “Creationist arm” Pennington > Damon Huard
- Chad “Spray-on condom arm” Pennington > Ray Lucas
- Chad “CVS brand arm” Pennington > Brian Griese
- Chad “John McCain’s arm” Pennington > A.J. Feeley
- Chad “Nickelback arm” Pennington > Sage Rosenfels
- Chad “Southern pizza arm” Pennington > Gus Frerotte
- Chad Pennington + Daunte Culpepper = Dan Marino
- Chad “Sweet potato fries arm” Pennington > Joey Harrington
- Chad “PG-13 comedy arm” Pennington > Cleo Lemon
- Chad “Laser disc arm” Pennington > Trent Green
- Chad “Vespa arm” Pennington > John Beck
The luster of Chad’s dolphin-like characteristics — smart and friendly — will undoubtedly fade away.
Once Wayne Huizenga discovers that a local fisherman throws a harpoon with more velocity than his quarterback does a football, Chad’s blow hole will be corked.
But good luck while it lasts, Chad, because one thing’s for sure: Inferior Chad won’t be displacing you atop the post-Marino shit list.
