I’m not sure why people keep taking on Carolina Panther Steve Smith. Whether he’s dropping dudes in the film room or letting rookies know where they stand, he already seemed pretty bad ass and now he’s sending teammates who cross him off the field on a cart. He’s clearly the top dog on the Steve Smith heap. So just for you gluttons for abuse, I’ve compiled a list of other Steve Smiths that would make for better and more importantly, much less dangerous fodder.
1. Steve Smith, jazz drummer: The Howie Mandel – Sean Hayes hybrid pictured on the left is the drummer for Vital Information. I’m sure he’s a fine individual on a personal level but there is certainly nothing intimidating about the phrase “white jazz drummer”. I doubt any other members of the band have had their nose broken during a Vital Information film session.
2. Stephen A. Smith, crazy, angry, yells-a-bunch ESPN analyst
It’s not like I’m breaking any new ground in the sports blogosphere here. Plus, Stephens who rock the PH instead of the V are always suspect.
3. Elliott Smith, mope rocker: Born Steven Paul Smith, he later would go by Elliott because Steve sounded to much like a jock name (Smith was quite prophetic here as Wikipedia lists an astounding 21 Steve Smiths associated with sports in some way) and Steven was too bookish. While I’m a fan of his albums, given the choice of picking on an angry WR or a introverted, dead indie rocker, I’d have to go with the latter. Although, while I’ve never tried it personally, death by stabbing yourself in the heart seems pretty fucking intense.
4. Steve “T.J. Tatters” Smith, clown: Being a member of the Clown Hall of Fame and a one time director of the Ringling Bros. circus does not equal immunity from abuse. If I were to ever pick a fight with a clown, I have no doubt my opening salvo right before I threw my first punch would be “Who’s this fucking clown?” and I would find it really funny and would be looking around to see if everyone looking on at this impromptu clown bashing were also laughing and would probably end up on the business end of a size 37 red shoe before I knew what was happening. I still think the line would be worth it.
