Tirico Suave

This has to be the least intriguing ESPN.com Breaking News section that I have ever seen:

And look what else is buzzing right now. I could care less about any of this:

Favre’s phone wasn’t Packer issued

50 Year Old To Play In WNBA

Classmates of Tim Donaghy sentenced to jail

Nuggets sign Chris Andersen

Steve Bartman turns down autograph request

Andrew Giuliani sues Duke

Yankees interested in Gerald Laird

Holy fucking fuck’s sake shit. Can’t we schedule an impromptu Bengals - Texans Hall of Fame game for days like this or have Hank Steinbrenner hold a press conference and berate him with baited questions until he calls Josh Beckett a fudge packer or something of the sorts? Anyone know if there are any marginally talented sixth men with afros opting to play in Greece today? I mean I’ll take anything mildly interesting at this point. This is brutal. I guess it’s a good time to check in on Abe Vigoda.