Tirico Suave

(Setting: The Kerry Collins household)

Kerry Collins: God dammit, not again …

Kerry Collins: Honey!

Kerry Collins: Hooooney?!

Kerry Collins: HOOOOOOOOOONEYYYYYY!

Mrs. Kerry Collins: What the FUCK is it THIS time you god damn STINKING DRUNK!?

Kerry Collins: I shit in the shower again …

Mrs. Kerry Collins: You make me sick. Most people would learn from their mistakes and not finish a 30-pack of Schlitz while watching “Hey Dude” re-runs and then pass out in the shower wearing their old uniforms.

Kerry Collins: It’s Kevin Greene’s fault, I swear. He made me play a drinking game where you have to drink every time Danny makes a reference to his Native American way of life. I think he rigged it, but you know, it’s all in good fun. The veterans like to give us younger players a good razzing.

Mrs. Kerry Collins: Kerry, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s not 1997, you’re not on the Panthers, and Kevin Greene doesn’t pop by anymore. And, if he’s still anything like you, he’s probably off drinking laundry detergent and foaming at the mouth for all I know.

Kerry Collins: (stares blankly ahead).

Kerry Collins: God dammit …