Tirico Suave

A.J. Burnett, starting on three days rest for the first time in his career, dominated the New York Yankees.

His line: 8.1 IP, 6 H, 1 ER, 8 K’s

The outing was summed up in the sixth inning, when A.J. fanned Jorge Posada on a gravity-sucking curve. A.J. then proceeded to ooze machismo, ratcheting back and pumping his clenched fist.

In an article on MLB.com, Burnett gave this explanation for the outburst.

“I made my pitch, and it was just exciting,” said Burnett, unable to hold back the slightest grin. “The fans roar when you strike him out, so it’s nothing against him. I was just pretty pumped up that we got out of it.”

Sorry, A.J., I’m not buying it. You belong on the Yankees, sporting those mercenary pinstripes. Your boy Carl Pavano — NYC’s richest pickpocket artist — could teach you a thing or two.

With that said, let’s break down what A.J. was really feeling during that testicular-dropping moment.

• Imagining the nerve of those U.S. Army deserters.
• Celebrating his sixth K, which really meant he was one away from . . . FREE PIZZA!
• Mocking Joba Chamerlain.
• Mocking some minor league scrub on his next team the Phillies.
• Mocking Jorge Posada’s labia-laced arm.
• Mocking Jose Canseco.
• Enjoying the open air blowing through the stale Rogers CentRe, while mocking foolish Canadian spelling.
• Imitating Scorpion’s “Get over here!” move in Mortal Kombat (on Sega Genesis).
• Picturing Brett Favre’s cliche stubble.
• Picturing Jack McKeon’s head on J.P. Riccardi’s body
• Reacting to the scintillating CFL cheerleader photos.
• Showing what he would do if confronted by that hippie robot, Wall-e.
• Reacting to news that Hellboy II: The Golden Army opened as No. 1 this weekend (will dress as Hellboy on Halloween).
• Practicing nonexistent change-up.
• Cracking a fictitious whip on Cito Gaston’s ass.

That’s all you are getting from me.