Tirico Suave

June 16, 2008. What an absolutely glorious day. Bill Bavasi is no longer the general manager of the Seattle Mariners. Clearly I’m excited.

Vice president/associate GM Lee Pelekoudas will serve as the interim GM for now. Whether he assumes the position full time or they hire someone else, as a favor I’ll compile a list of things not to do if you’d like to retain the title of Mariners GM.

Avoid the following:

Signing Richie Sexson for 4yrs/$50M.

Signing Adrian Beltre for 5yrs/$65M after what was clearly the greatest contract year performance in the history or contracts or performances.

Signing Jarrod Washburn for 4yrs/$37M, Carlos Silva for 4yrs/$48M, Jeff Weaver for anything other than throwing batting practice.

Bringing in Scott Spiezio to hit .215 in 2004, then having Mariners’ fans realize that we took that .215 for granted when he hit .064 the next season in 29 games before he was released.

But wait, there’s also some trade strategies to avoid:

Dealing Freddy Garcia for Jeremy Reed, Miguel Olivo and Mike Morse.

Sending Carlos Guillen to Detroit for Ramon Santiago.

Holding onto Rafael Soriano for the longest time while he was at his highest value, letting him get injured and then dealing him to the Braves for one year of Horacio Ramirez.

Randy Winn for Jesse Foppert didn’t work out too well either.

(This spot reserved for future use for the Erik Bedard trade.)

I’m in a good mood. I may go out and adopt a three legged dog or make it rain Washingtons on a homeless man when I get off from work. Who knows. Now if only a certain mustached former linebacker turned tv analyst turned lousy GM would be relieved of his duties….