Please Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Never Ever Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Never Ever Never Ever Ever Never Ever Ever Ever Never Ever Compare Kobe and Michael Jordan Again. Thank You.
Posted by Harvey Bars · June 13th, 2008 ·
36 Comments
Go ahead Kobe. Check the
box score from game four. It says you were 6-19 from the field and had 17 points in a pivotal must win game at home during the NBA Finals. You didn’t have ONE field goal in the first half. You team blew a 24 point lead. You were outscored by James Posey.
Kobe’s awesome. He’s the best player in the world right now. He’s probably even be the best basketball player we’ve seen since Michael Jordan. But simply put, he’s not Michael Jordan. In fact, he’s not even close, nor will he ever be. Let me illustrate this for you in list form:
He will retire with fewer MVPs, scoring titles, and championships.
Phil Jackson never wrote a book detailing Jordan’s immaturity and selfishness.
In ten years, if Kobe retires and then a makes a comeback a few years later with the Washington Wizards, the Wizards version of Kobe will also be inferior to Wizards era Jordan.
When Vanessa Bryant inevitably divorces Kobe, she will receive a larger settlement than Juanita.
After that, when he retires again, and Kobe takes a front office position with the Bobcats, he will draft someone who will turn out to be a bigger bust than Adam Morrison, and that draftee will sob even harder and have a more creepy and even wispier mustache.
Cuba Gooding III will have no desire to try on Kobe’s underwear. Kevin Bacon’s brother will be able to shoot a crumpled up piece of paper past Kobe into a garbage can.
Charles Oakley >>>>>>>>>>>>Lamar Odom.
Kobe’s son will have to walk on at at a community college in Illinois.
In the final scene of Pixar’s Space Jam 2, Wall-E will hold Kobe to 11 pts on 5-23 shooting.
He’ll endorse Powerade.
Please, I beg of you, for love of Brad Sellers, let this be the end to all ‘Kobe is the next Michael Jordan’ proclamations.
Tags: Cuba Gooding III · Harvey Bars · High Horse · Kobe Bryant · Michael Jordan · NBA
36 responses so far ↓
1 Chuck // Jun 13, 2008 at 1:27 am
Aahahaha, I wrote a post just like this immediately after the game…. only mine was 1/2 as good. (if that)
I bet Jordan sat in some penthouse watching this game with a smirk on his face…. while receiving fellatio from a miscellaneous white girl.
2 Harvey Bars // Jun 13, 2008 at 7:24 am
Yeah, I’m sure we’re probably two of about two million who were thinking the same thing after last night’s game.
3 Isaac // Jun 13, 2008 at 9:40 am
I bet you I could go back and find games where MJ played like shit when it counted…in fact, I’m positive the Pistons shut him down in pivotal games
4 Isaac // Jun 13, 2008 at 9:41 am
And this is nothing against you personally Tirico Suave, I just can’t stand the BJ everybody gives Michael Jordan
5 Harvey Bars // Jun 13, 2008 at 10:03 am
Well if you’re referring to the years Pistons won back to back titles, I’d say there’s a significant difference between MJ’s 5th year in the league and his first Phil Jackson or Kobe’s 12th season. Also, up until around 1996, you were allowed to tackle, molest, maul and maim players on the way to the basket and pretty much in general.
But I’ll look at the game logs:
88-89:
32, 27, 46, 23, 18, 32
The 18 pt game is similar, MJ added 9 assists and 5 boards, Kobe had 10 assists and 4 rebs. The game however was in Detroit and the Bulls didn’t blow a 24 pt lead.
89-90:
34, 20, 47, 42, 22, 29, 31
basketball-reference.com doesn’t have the game stats for either of these playoffs, so I can’t compare the shooting performances.
As much as you can’t stand the ‘BJ that everybody gives’ the best player that every played the game, the praise and comparisons that everyone gives Kobe is even more unsubstantiated.
6 Neil // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:46 am
Thank you for posting this. Couldn’t agree more. Watching last night’s collapse was the most fun I’ve had watching the NBA Finals since 1998.
7 Mike // Jun 13, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Kobe went down last night like a GIRL! They should have handed him a ticket the way he watched the 4th quarter! As good as MJ??? Not even close! He’s not even the best LAKER ever!
8 ibfamous // Jun 13, 2008 at 1:13 pm
can CP3 have his MVP now?
9 Stephanie // Jun 13, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Well Isaac, everyone that has been watching basketball for years knows that Michael is the Man. I mean even in his worst games he would outscore Kobe. Jordan has won many championships and in a row at that. Bryant, ever since Shaq left he has not been so consistent.
He may be a good player, I really think he is just over rated. But that is my own opinion. But until he can lock the championships down like Michael, he need not to be mentioned in the same sentence as Michael. Because I can remember a time in NBA history when the question was not who the new Champions were going to be but who would the Bulls defeat this year. Bulls were unstoppable. and as you can see the Lakers are very stoppable.
10 thegasman // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:36 pm
i don’t really have anything to say about this except:
a.) i agree with this post.
b.) the comments section in the left side bar looks really really cool right now. i thought i was on an acid trip.
11 Dr. J-Water // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Great Post! Funny and so true.
12 rickmolina // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:53 pm
mj won his rings without a dominant center. kobe has yet to win a championship without the diesel.
13 Nooner // Jun 13, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Right now Kobe is closer to Pippen than Jordan. It’s just the way it is until Kobe can prove it otherwise.
14 thegasman // Jun 13, 2008 at 9:00 pm
i meant right sidebar. i’m dyslexic.
15 knowledge // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:31 pm
One must be great to understand greatness. MJ is the Best Basketball player to ever play the game. Kobe is the best player playing right now. There are so many negative people in the world that are afraid to admit that Kobe is a great player. Kobe is human just like Mike is. Mike missed shots when he needed to make them and so does Kobe. If you people stop placing so much faith in other people that r just like you (human) then you will be able to give the guy the credit that he deserves. I agree Kobe is no Michael Jordan thats easy to see, however Kobe is a great player. My advice is to stop hating and expressing negative energy and try just try to understand GREATNESS!!!!
16 Adam // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Here’s the thing–I believe M.J. was only 29 when he won his first championship. Kobe is 29. It also took him a while to get over the hump with the same squad. Seasoned vets like Kerr, Kukoc and Paxson wouldn’t have shot 6-97 or whatever Farmar, Vujacic and Vlad shot. Also, Lamar Odom is a poor man’s Pippen. Maybe a homeless man’s Pippen. And I would have taken Horace Grant or Rodman now over Pau Gasol last night. Nice hands! Bison Dele vs. Ronny Turiaf is a wash for eccentric role player with a weird name.
Still, the Lakers with Bynum will be the best team in the league, barring injuries or major moves, for the next couple years. Who’s to say they won’t win back-to-back titles and KB24 won’t be one ring behind his Airness at age 31, with half a decade of hoops still in him?
And I’m a Pacers fan, but I do hate Jordan and how everyone is so quick to say I told you so. Personally, I hope Perkins and Rondo’s injuries screw up the Celtics and the Lakers come back and win this thing. Make everybody eat a little crow for going to this don’t-compare-Kobe-to-M.J. stuff so quick.
Regardless, I laughed at the post and love the site!
17 S // Jun 14, 2008 at 7:13 am
Of course there’s no need to compare them. Kobe is obviously better because this is a better era for basketball. Players are quicker, stronger, better in every way. It’s simple dna evolution in everything.
Please stop that comparison.
18 doug // Jun 14, 2008 at 11:38 am
first off, kobe is so fake it makes me sick. just for example, youtube ‘kobe kenny tnt’ and see the fakeness.
and how is he automatically better than a 23yr old lebron? i must have missed that ‘official’ declaration. methinks lebron with kobe’s sidekicks would definitely be a better test for boston.
kobe quote after game 4:
“They were determined not to let me beat them tonight,” he said. “I saw three, four bodies every time I touched the ball.”
this means “It’s not my fault my team is so horrible they cant even score 4 on 1″
(editors note….kobe was SINGLE covered more than 1/2 the time in game 4)
19 biff // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:52 pm
As far as I see it, Kobe has the talent, but he’s a terrible teammate.
Jordan made the players around him better, and it helped his game in return.
20 bdlsports // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:22 am
Gr8 post - funny but true! You Killed it!
Let me add this for all the Kobe lovers - 1st, just because a comment is made in truth doesnt mean cats dont respect Kobe, its just that well…truth hurts sometimes. 2nd - Kobe said HIMSELF that he done compare to Jordan (ref. ESPN Sunday Conversation with Steven Smith) and finally - 3rd - You will NEVER be greater than the person you are being compared to! When the comparisons stop, then we know Kobe is better.
21 hef // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:59 am
“Of course there’s no need to compare them. Kobe is obviously better because this is a better era for basketball. Players are quicker, stronger, better in every way. It’s simple dna evolution in everything.
Please stop that comparison.”
You’re right. There is no comparison. But you’re on the wrong side. If Jordan played today, with today’s looser rules designed to INCREASE offense, he’d drop 40 a game. And you can’t really think that human DNA has evolved in 10 years so much that Michael Jordan couldn’t play today? Yes, Kobe’s a great player, probably the best in the world. But he’s NOT a great teammate. Where Jordan’s teammates probably hated him often, they did not want to let him down. Kobe’s? They just hate him. Game over.
22 S // Jun 15, 2008 at 8:46 am
To hef:
A lot of IFs there man. If Jordan would play today, If Jordan was in the finals.. if if if…..
Jordan never scored 81 points because he simply couldn’t do it. Kobe is a better player clearly and also a bigger jerk.
23 Harvey Bars // Jun 15, 2008 at 9:02 am
Debate settled! We can just rank the greatest players ever by points scored in a single game. Here’s the definitive list:
1. Wilt
2. Kobe
3. David Thompson
4. Elgin Baylor
5. David Robinson
6. MJ!
Wow, not only is Jordan not the best player ever, he’s not even top 5.
24 J // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:34 pm
S, are you really Kobe’s mama in disguise?
25 Ryan // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:47 pm
What I find funny is before this year started, nobody was talking about Kobe being better than Jordan. But now he gets his first (this is his 12th year in the league) MVP, leads the Lakers to the finals and all of a sudden he’s better than Jordan. Huh? Did everyone have a brain tumor for breakfast? Someone please explain what I’m missing. Check the stats, the awards, the trophies, everything, MJ has him in every single category, playoffs and regular season. MJ was the man the first time he put on the uniform back in ‘84. Through bad and good. He averaged over 37 points per game his second full season in the league, no hand-check rules then people. If the rule was in place then, would you bet against him averaging over 40? He wasn’t the sidekick for three of his titles. Not to mention the most important thing, check your eyes. Those of us who have been blessed to watch MJ since he came into the league can tell you, there has never been anyone like him, and that includes #24.
26 raincntry // Jun 16, 2008 at 7:42 am
You forgot to add that Jordan never raped anybody.
27 beenzo // Jun 19, 2008 at 12:21 am
HarveyBars gimme a break. Jordan played great Defense, knew how to distribute the ball, and played against stiffer competition (see “Bad Boys). Not to mention the fact that he won six titles in the NBA (not to not to mention his NCAA title and gold medals). Actually I’m not even sure that would rank Kobe 2nd…… larry bird…… Pete Marevich……. Magic…… how the hell did Laker fans forget Magic?
28 Harvey Bars // Jun 19, 2008 at 12:27 am
Beenzo. Hi.
First off. fuck. huh.
Please.
Read.
The.
Post.
Again.
Thanks.
29 hef // Jun 20, 2008 at 7:38 am
S,
First, I had one IF in my question…that of “If Jordan played today.” There were no others. I’m not quite sure where you got the other “Ifs” from. Perhaps too many fumes from Kobe’s ego? And yes, I cannot defend the fact that Jordan ONLY scored 63 in a playoff game. In Boston. Kobe scored in the 30s. Once.
How did No-be do in the finals this year? He lost. Did Jordan? No. Therefore, by your own reasoning, Jordan must be greater because he never lost in the finals.
Jordan played in an era where rules were designed specifically to stop him. Has Kobe had rules created to slow him down? No, and Kobe has been in the league for over a decade. Yes, he is a special talent, but IF I may, may I guess that you did not grow up watching MJ? I know that people are partial to those players they grow up watching, but a growing number of people seem to be turning against Kobe, who scored 81 against the Toronto Raptors. A team that did not exist in Jordan’s heyday. A team that helped dilute the talent pool, making it easier for transcendent talents such as Kobe and MJ to score ungodly amounts of points. I look forward to your rebuttal. Please do more, though than make up arguments about me throwing in multiple IFs this time.
30 hef // Jun 20, 2008 at 7:42 am
Harvey,
My apologies, I know these discussions are defeating the purpose of the post, but it was natural for it to happen.
31 Harvey Bars // Jun 20, 2008 at 8:50 am
No, Hef, by all means, carry on. It’s nice to see other discussions and arguments going on on this site that don’t involve one of the staff.
32 The Sports Hernia // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Plus, Kobe is not friends with Charles Oakley or Charles Barkley, a colossal negative, and he sucks at gambling.
33 SoxAddict // Jul 29, 2008 at 7:53 am
I agree with everything said except there will be nobody with a creepier mustache than Adam Morrison, ever.
34 SoxAddict // Jul 29, 2008 at 7:55 am
There will never be anybody*
Yeah, I’m the grammar king.
35 hef // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:45 pm
It’s such a shame that Morrison was stuck on the Boobcats. That mustache could have done great things in a major television market.
And what happened to S? Because I don’t think I’ve ever won an argument before. Can I finally put a notch in my bedpost? What? Notches mean what? Oh, yeah. I’ve got a lot of those…I meant…uh…Kobe sucks!!!
36 hef // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Did his tears wash away over half of the ’stache?
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