Tirico Suave

The other night I was watching game seven of the Spurs/Hornets series at my brother’s house. To give you a visual, my brother is tall, skinny and athletic. I, on the other hand, look like as if someone attempted to clone my brother, only the machine broke three quarters of the way through the process and instead of trying to finish the job, they just decided to feed me two all the way from the Hot Grill in Clifton, NJ for the next 20 years. Anyway, we were discussing how disappointing some players have been in the postseason. After rattling off close to 20 names, I decided to come up with a list. Compiling blog lists have supplanted trying to get laid. This is the dedication I have towards you, random internet reader who’s looking to kill ten minutes before you go to lunch. Keep in mind, I am well aware that the playoffs are still underway. There’s one player on my list that is still playing and he will have a chance at redemption but the performances up to this point have been so bad that not much can get them off this list.

5. Chris Paul
Hear me out. Being a huge fan of Chris Paul and basketball in general, I didn’t want to put him on this list, but I couldn’t resist the urge. Granted, the stats are obviously there and in his third year he became arguably the best point guard in the league and made it to the Western Conference semifinals. However, sometimes great expectations lead to great disappointment. Paul made this list based solely on his game seven performance against the Spurs, even more specifically for the fourth quarter of that game. With his team down double digits I was waiting for him to show flashes of a player ready to take over a city and a league. Unfortunately, I never got my wish. Instead I watched Paul continuously not take over and instead distribute the ball to Peja Stojakovic who seemed to be hoisting up shots from his native Serbia. I also, like many of you, witnessed Jannero Pargo caring more about the Hornets not calling it a season then I did Chris Paul. MVP candidates/ superstar point guards do not let his team rely on Jannero Pargo to take the big shots in big games with it all on the line. Try to picture Jordan, Bird, Kobe or any franchise guy, with eight minutes to go in a game seven, letting anyone, let alone one of their bench guys, taking control of the game. I don’t think John Paxson, M.L. Carr or Jordan Farmar would have been able to pull off the same antics that Pargo did. I wholeheartedly thought Paul was ready to take that last step to becoming an all-timer, but unfortunately I was left disappointed, at least until next season (hopefully).

4. Carlos Boozer
Boozer takes home the hardware for postseason player who looked like he didn’t wanted to be there in the first place. It’s a bronzed Starting Lineup of Jim Jackson. Look out for it in the mail, Carlos. Boozer looks to be on his way to breaking the curse of the Blue Devils who suck once they leave Durham, but his playoff performance this year left a lot to be desired. Not only because it proves the Blue Devil theory even more (I still believe in J.J. Redick but that’s a whole other conversation you can make fun of me for at another time) but because Boozer was so sensational in the regular season. I hate to break it to all the Mormons out there (Are the Mormons the group who don’t use electricity or is that the Amish? I can never remember. Oh well.) but averaging five fewer points than the you did in the regular season or seven fewer than you did last postseason will secure Boozer spot on this list, especially since he was guarded by the all non-defensive team of Luis Scola, Chuck Hayes, Pau Gasol and Vladimir Radmonivic throughout the postseason.

3. Carmelo Anthony
Melo had a chance to really break out this postseason. It was all laid out there for him. First round matchup against the best player in the NBA on a big stage for all to see. What do I get? Subpar performances from what I think is the NBA’s most overrated and one dimensional player. Charles Barkley said it best “They are now the ENVER Nuggets. Because there is definitely no D in Denver.” Eight assists, two steals and one block are nice numbers if they are your averages and not your totals. Is it me or does it seem like his National Championship win at Syracuse happened 20 years ago? Melo better get with the program and fast or else a lot my friends will owe me an apology for saying he would be better than Lebron.

2. Steve Nash
I dubbed him with the well deserved nickname of “Mr. Regular Season” simply because that’s all he is. Granted, he is loaded with talent and happens to lead the most exciting to watch team in the NBA. But averaging 1.2 more assists than T.J. Ford in the playoffs is not what the Suns needed out of Nash. Also, there is a reason the Spurs and the Pistons always find themselves in the Finals or at the very least the Conference Finals. That being defense. “Regular Season” Steve continues to take all our hopes and dreams of seeing an exciting basketball team finally make the NBA Finals, and he crushes them pretty quickly. Before we read the editors note (he has a man crush on overrated point guards) I just want to say there are about five or seven PGs I would take on my team before Steve Nash crosses my mind.
(Editor’s note: Replace ‘overrated’ with ‘two-time MVP’ and I’ll go along with the man crush statement. I’d also love to see that PG list.- HB)

1. Ray Allen
What do you get when you take a guy known primarily for his ability to stroke it rather than his ability to play perimeter D? Answer: A productive NBA player with a career expectancy of about 12+ years. Now what do you get when said player’s ability to shoot the basketball just disappears (38% FG, 31% from 3) and his perimeter defense is still bottom five in the league (I just thought of my next list)? Answer: Well, folks its official, Ray Allen is useless. (Editor’s note: List was compiled prior to last night’s game in which Allen had 25 pts in 30 minutes on 56% shooting.)