Tirico Suave

This site is fueled on the pearl necklaces that Hank Steinbrenner drops on the baseball world:

“The bottom line is that the team is not playing the way it is capable of playing. These players are being paid a lot of money and they had better decide for themselves to earn that money. We have good professional hitters and I have a lot of faith in them. I’m not saying they are not giving the effort, but they need to be playing harder.”

Unlike last year when the primary Yanks lineup was A-Rod, Jeter and volunteers from the Edgewater Fire Dept. But seriously guys, we overpaid all of you for a reason.

“The Yankees have got to start playing the way the Rays are playing.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. It’s raining tits and frogs outside my window right now. Don’t forget who subsidizes these guys Hank.

“This is going to get turned around. If it’s not turned around this year, then it will be turned around next year, by force if we have too.”

And if not next year, the year after, maybe the one after that. Either way, Brian Cashman’s chances of ending up in an iron maiden before this season ends just increased tenfold.

“We’ll add whoever we have to add. We’re missing two big pieces, but this is basically the same lineup as last year. I have great faith in all of them.”

Please, please, please Barry Zito, please pitch moderately well so the Yankees end up trading Melky Cabrera and Ian Kennedy for you. Hank then refers to the Rays one more time:

“I’m happy for them, but I wish they were in the National League.”

There you have it folks, not two months into Hank’s first season as whatever the hell his official title is, and he’s openly admitting that he fears the Rays. Too bad he wasn’t one of Stuart Sternberg’s lucky sperm.