Tirico Suave

Another big scoop here at Tirico Suave as we were able to get our hands on the email that Knicks GM and coach Isiah Thomas was recently asked to pen at the behest of new president of basketball operations, Donnie Walsh. It makes for quite a compelling read, so we decided to pass it along to our readers.

—– Original Message —-
From: Isiah Thomas <zeke@newyorkknicks.com>
To: Donnie Walsh <admin@fireisiahthomas.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 10, 2008 1:03:30 PM
Subject: re: Explanation Of The Worst Season In Franchise History

Dear Donnie,

I would just like to thank you for giving me this opportunity to explain my side of things. Like I said this past January, my goal is and has always been to leave behind a championship legacy, and I truly believe we are heading in that direction and I plan to prove that to you here. By the way, all that “Please call me Mr. Walsh” stuff was hilarious, a great ice breaker.

First off, let me just say I think it’s no coincidence that since you’ve come aboard that we have won three games in a row. The culture is already changing. I’m excited, Jimmy D is excited, and I bet Spike is even excited (I’m guessing here because, for whatever reason, he stopped responding to my emails a few months ago). And yes, these meaningless wins are probably doing more harm than good as they are costing us valuable lottery ping-pong balls in what is turning out to be a loaded draft, but frankly, I don’t care. I’m about winning. This season hasn’t been easy for anyone involved with the Knicks, but I’m a man who learns from his mistakes and boy, I’ve made my share, from my discrepancies with the Raptors, to my single-handedly running the CBA into the ground, to my recent sexual harassment suit (more on this later). But I’m not here to speak about my experiences prior to my time with the Knicks. I’m here to address this season and how we arrived at this point.

Much has been said of the moves that I’ve made during my tenure here, and while I admit some of my deals have not panned out as I expected, I feel that a general manager can only assume so much responsibility when players do not perform up to expectations. This is the case with one of my first (and most maligned) moves, the signing of Jerome James. Jerome was coming off a monster playoff series in which he almost single handedly helped the Sonics defeat the Sacramento Kings. And yes, while it seemed obvious to anyone who’s even seen one professional basketball game that his performance was perhaps due in part to the fact that he was in a contract year or that he had personal reasons for wanting to defeat a franchise he felt had wronged him, that’s just not how I saw it. Some will also say it’s downright absurd to give a fat athlete a massive contract based on one or two good series but as a GM, you need to see things in players that other’s might overlook. I bet you didn’t know that Jerome James was once a member of the Harlem Globetrotters! You know what that tells me? That not only could he handle playing in New York, but that he knew HOW TO WIN. And yes, on the surface, Jerome has not been the player we expected him to be when we gave him a five year deal worth $30 million, but when you crunch the numbers, he’s worth every penny. Look at his numbers this season, per 48 minutes. Those are Wilt Chamberlain-type figures! Besides, his contract comes off the books after the 09-10 season, which will help us sign LEBRON JAMES!

I’ve also been absolutely raked over the coals by the media and pundits alike for the trades I’ve made while I’ve been here in NY and again I think this negative criticism from people outside the organization has been unwarranted. My first big move was to bring in Stephon, a player who is the definition of a winner. And I know, to that, the critics will counter that he’s only been to the playoffs four times in his career and has never won a postseason series, or how every team that’s traded him has improved greatly once he left, or how he was constantly fighting with former coach Larry Brown (<—jerk, LOL), but you know what I see? Winner. Besides, his contract comes off the books after the 09-10 season, which could give us a ton of cap space and possibly help us sign LEBRON JAMES!

The other big deals I’ve made while I was here were the acquisitions of Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph, both of whom I see as key pieces of the Knicks’ future. I mean, what did I really give up for Curry? Michael Sweetney (fat), Tim Thomas (lazy), and Jermaine Jackson (worse than Tito, LOL). Ok, there were some valuable draft picks in the deal as well, that could have been used to select guys like LaMarcus Aldridge or Brandon Roy, but neither of those guys would have given us the 19 PPG and 7 RPG that Curry provided for us last season. And as for Zach, all I’ll say is this: people throughout the league speak of Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard in high regard, but between me, you and this custom made Chuck Daly Fathead that I have hanging in my office, I completely fleeced him on that deal. 26 year old power forwards who average 23 PPG and 10 RPG simply do not become available too often, let alone at a discounted rate. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. Sure, there were concerns that Randolph was the epitome of a locker room cancer or that putting him and Curry in the same lineup would negate not one but both of these deals and/or kill our team chemistry in the process. I disagree. Have you seen what Zach has been doing since you’ve been here? He’s been as big a part of this massive three game winning streak as anyone. However, I’m a realist and all great GMs have a backup plan, so if we aren’t getting the results we want out of either Eddy or Zach next season, I’ll ship them off for some expiring contracts that will help us in our efforts to sign LEBRON JAMES!

I feel a great way to gauge the worth of a GM is by looking at his draft record, and if I do say so myself, this is where I feel I excel the most. Do you remember the grief I took for selecting then unknown Renaldo Balkman? Well, look at him now. He’s a high energy guy and a defensive specialist, the kind of guy any team would like to have. Dare I say it was a GENIUS selection? On top of that, I’ve also selected David Lee (like a white Balkman but better), Wilson Chandler (the next Balkman) and Nate Robinson, who..um….scores a lot in garbage games and won a dunk contest! Yes, I have also selected a bunch of guys who are no longer with our team, like Mike Sweetney (helped us get Curry), Trevor Ariza (who was an absolute steal who I then traded for Steve Francis, who in turn netted us Randolph) and Channing Frye (part of the Randolph larceny). Show me another GM with who has given his team those kind of results.

Now for the giant, bitchy, accusatory elephant in the room: Anucha Browne Sanders. What an absolute cun….ning, manipulative, cold hearted woman. What’s been said has been said regarding Ms. Sanders and I am doing my best to put this transgression behind me, but I feel that perhaps you could empathize with me and my situation. Running and coaching a basketball team, especially in New York, is one of the most stressful jobs in all of sport and sometimes emotions and tempers can get the best of a person. But what bothers me the most is that people said that her sex had anything to do with my choice of words, when in fact the exact opposite was true. I saw her as such a contemporary that I didn’t think she’d react so adversely to the term ‘bitch’, especially since I’m a black man and we can say these types of things to black women and they’re supposed to get it. I just didn’t see it it as such a big deal. I mean, when we were working together with the Pacers, how many times did Larry Bird call me a ‘bitch’? 300? 400? Did you see me filing class action lawsuits left and right? And besides, the $11.6 million settlement that is owed Ms. Sanders comes off the books after the 09-10 season, which will, you guessed it, aid us in our pursuit of LEBRON JAMES!

So our record currently sits at 23-56, but look at what has happened since you’ve got here, we’ve won three in a row (full disclosure: had I known that like 35 wins would have gotten us to the playoffs in the abysmal East, I would have done a few things different, like benching Zach for a few games out of frustration and spite, and then telling the media it was to get a better look at Randolph Morris). It has been a long five years, but it looks as though my ten year plan is finally starting to work. We may not make the playoffs this year, but we’ve got hope for the future. David Stern has let us in the office here know more or less that we’re definitely looking at a top five pick ;). I really, really like O.J. Mayo, but if he’s gone, I’d also love to have Brook Lopez (he’s a dude, don’t worry I had to look it up as well) since our front court is a little thin and he seems to be the type of player who’s name the New York fans would love to here called out in June. We will have a new mid-level exception and there are some guys I’m looking at. There’s Kwame Brown (call me crazy but I see something there), Josh Childress (a slightly better Jared Jeffries, oops, I was trying not to mention him) and DeSagana Diop (a slightly thinner Jerome James who occasionally blocks a shot and is good for six fouls a game). I’m telling you Donnie, if you stick with me in ’08-’09 and beyond, the sky’s the limit. We can do this together.

With Warmest Regards,

Zeke

P.S. LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON!!!!1!!1!1!1!!1!