This past Halloween, the venue which was once proudly known as Continental Airlines Arena to the roughly 2,000 or so Nets or Devils fans that attended each game, changed title sponsors. With the Devils off to the hockey hotbed that is Newark, Continental Airlines opted out of its naming rights deal. And in a move that was 60,000 fist pumps in the making, guido fashion staple, Izod, proudly christened the former Brendan Byrne Arena as the new Izod Center.
Being one of the few people from New Jersey who sports neither a pink polo nor a tribal armband, I can only sit back and laugh at this wonderful new moniker. Not only is Izod referenced extensively in the Guido handbook (distributed Memorial Day Weekend at all participating locations such as the “White Party” at Merge in Seaside Heights), it’s featured prominently in the chapter entitled “When It Comes To Your Shirt, There Is No Such Thing As Too Tight”.
My point here is that only in New Jersey, aka “the armpit of the country” would this ever be allowed to occur. With “the World’s Most Famous Arena” less than 45 minutes away, it’s flat out embarrassing to have to refer to the Izod Center as my home stadium. What? Was the Dep Gel Fieldhouse already spoken for? The B.U.M. Equipment Center not have the right ring to it? You’re telling me the Hanes Extra Medium Wifebeater Stadium wouldn’t have gone hand-in-hand with “Free Velour Track Suit Night”?
I mean the possibilities are endless. How about some free Muscle Milk (cookies n cream flavor, of course) to every male fan sporting newly waxed eyebrows and pits? Maybe a Surfclub VIP card for the first 200 people in attendance who did dips in their white linen Capri’s before they entered to make their muscles look freshly pumped would work. They could probably sellout this place without even having to host a game. Could you imagine what this arena would look like if the Nets starting five came out to “Sandstorm” ? Every Sally Balls or Tony Whispers within a 40 mile radius would flock to the Izzy Center like it was the guido Mecca. At halftime, the lines at the concession stands and bathrooms would dwarfed by the lines at instant tanning booths. In game DJ, John Peters, could get the crowd moving. The Nets are hiring a new Director of Promotions and naturally, yours truly, has submitted a resume so keep your fingers crossed, your collars popped and hope White Velvet gets the job!
