I have to say Yardbarker really has grown exponentially since it’s inception. One of the main reasons for this, of course, is the what seems to be the almost weekly additions of blogs by famous athletes. I mean there is no truer way for athletes to connect to their fans than for them to write a personal blog, free of any and all spin jobs by the media. I do have to admit though, that as much as I enjoy reading what these athletes have to say, none of these athletes really appeal to me on a personal level. So without any further hullabaloo, here are the athletes/sports figures I’d ask to blog if I had the chance to run Yardbarker for a day.
“Fuck Off”
In the past year alone, Elijah Dukes has threatened to kill his wife via a pix message of a gun on his phone, had a restraining order placed against him, threw a Gatorade bottle at the stomach of an underage girl who was carrying his child and was subsequently dismissed from the Devil Rays. You’re telling me you don’t want to know what this guy is thinking?“Naked Lunch”
This blog would serve two purposes. First, I’d finally find out which delicacies from my favorite fast food restaurants taste best in the buff. Second, as a Lions’ fan, I may actually get an update or two on my favorite football team, since Ikaika Alama-Francis can’t seem to find the time to keep me afloat on the best season my team has had since the Brett Perriman era.“Straight Trippin’”
Since becoming the first player since Stanley Roberts to be kicked out of the NBA for drug abuse, the Birdman has simply disappeared off the face of the Earth. Yes, we’ll always have his horrid 2005 Dunk Contest performance to remember him by, but this is America and Andersen deserves a second chance. And if I have learned anything from all the movies about troubled youths, it’s that if they develop an interest in writing, they will cease all delinquent behavior immediately. I mean, what do we have to lose? Best case scenario, Andersen is Hunter S. Thompson in a headband. Worst case, we get a bunch of funny blogs about how he’s having difficulty typing anything because his hands keep transforming into octopuses.“All My Children”
Yardbarker lets fans and athletes interact like never before, but why should the fans be the only ones who benefit? As someone who is no stranger to the pot, I know it can be difficult to remember every minute detail of your life, especially when those minute details are nine children with nine different women, who happen to live in four different states. This unique blog will allow Henry and all his offspring to keep contact with each other, but not get too close. For instance, Henry can “Add To Favorites” the children he likes and cares about, and his kids can gives thumbs up to articles that Henry writes like “I Stopped Writing Bum Checks for Expensive Jewelry and I am going to Feed You Today” so Henry knows when he is doing a good job as a parent. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.“Sweep The Blog”
I know what you’re going to say, “But Harvey, William Zabka is not an athlete, why would Yardbarker want him to blog on their site?” to which my reply would be that my real name is not Harvey so you’re argument is already lacking in credibility. Besides, Zabka does what he wants when he wants. The Pussy-Toss-For-Distance? Check. Star in a music video parodying his role in the Karate Kid, complete with Matrix-like special effects? Check. Write an Oscar-nominated short film? Check. It seems like there isn’t much this man can’t do. Simply put: he’s the best.
