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Tirico Suave

Charles Rogers, Montreal Alouette?

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 9th, 2008

Charles Rogers

A quote from Alouette GM Jim Popp from this article:

“I would say there’s about an 80-20 chance of him being at training camp, coming in and competing for a job. It’s not completed yet, but he can come in as a CFL rookie and we’ll make an assessment of him, where he’s at in his career and his life.”

Allow me. Rogers was the second pick in the 2003 draft, selected between Carson Palmer and Andre Johnson and now five years later he’s in fucking Canada competing with Danny Desriveaux, the bilingual finance major, for a roster spot. He’s a bad workout away from being locked down by a UPS truck driver on an upcoming episode of Pros vs. Joes. That’s where Rogers is in his life. Being a CFL GM should not be this difficult or painstaking. Just throw a whole bunch of Robbie Bordens at freshly washed up NFL stars and watch the Grey Cups roll in. Sacrebleu!

→ 6 CommentsTags: Charles Rogers · Detroit Lions · Harvey Bars · Montreal Alouettes · NFL

Big Day for Harvey Bars

Posted by Shakespeare DiMaggio
May 9th, 2008

Jeremiah Rivers, who Harvey has at times referred to as the worst player in all of basketball, has decided to transfer to another school. The transfer school has not yet been announced.

→ 2 CommentsTags: Jeremiah Rivers is the Anti-Christ · NCAA Basketball · Shakespeare DiMaggio

LeBron’s Numbers Against The Celtics Are Almost Jordan-esque

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 9th, 2008

Michael Jordan Baseball

LeBron James’s FG Pct against Boston through two games: .190

Michael Jordan’s BA in 127 games with the Birmingham Barons: .202

Keep on truckin’ LeBron. One or two buckets go the other way and drop and you’re a legend.

→ No CommentsTags: Harvey Bars · LeBron James · Michael Jordan · NBA · Number Crunching

Five Guys I Sort Of Still Wish Were In The NBA

Posted by White Velvet
May 8th, 2008

Like many sports fans, I’m a big ‘what if?’ guy. Coming up with scenarios that could possibly happen is usually infinitely more exciting than the what actually happens. That’s why I write mock drafts even if I only get four picks right in the first round. Then again, Mel Kiper only got eight right and Todd McShay only nailed six and they seem to waste a lot more time thinking about the NFL Draft than I do. Just saying.

Anyway, long time cohort and occasional colleague, Harvey Bars, and I have spent many a late night in some diner spouting off arbitrary top five sports related lists in an effort to an entertain ourselves. None of these lists have been nearly as enjoyable as the time we watched a ten year old kid try to unsuccessfully throw his body into an Escalade without the use of his arms, but since I don’t have a video of that, I’ll just share one of these lists instead.

John Starks5. John Starks. I was wavering on which Jordan era NY Knick to put on this list. I certainly don’t miss Patrick Ewing sweating profusely and shooting his patented fade away after taking eleven steps across the lane. Everyone still talks about Oak so he’s out. Charles Smith, haha, sorry. So I couldn’t help but remember John Levell Starks. The Knicks only real hope of ever winning a title quickly vanished when Starks had his last second shot blocked by Hakeem in game six and then proceeded to go 2-for-18 from the field including an amazingly unremarkable 0 for 11 from behind the arc in game seven. Ever since that game, the Knicks have been on a slow downward spiral. That’s what James Dolan gets for not giving Cablevision subscribers the NFL network. Until he does, I pray the Knicks have to move to Jersey and play at the IZOD center.

Zan Tabak4. Zan Tabak. While others always go with Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Zaza Pachulia, or Zach Randolph, former Croatian player Zan Tabak has been my go to ‘Z’ when I’m playing the NBA name game for the last fifteen years and he continue to hold that honor for the next fifteen. Bonus Zan Tabak fun fact: he was an international scout for the Knicks in 2006, and by my count, they’ve had zero international players since then, so I like to think Tabak’s job wasn’t too different from mine, where he just sat in an office and scanned documents for eight hours.
[Continue reading…]

→ 4 CommentsTags: Herpes · NBA · Random Lists · White Velvet · Zan Tabak

Dallas Stars Sign Some Swedish Forward That I’ve Never Heard Of

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 8th, 2008

Fabian Brunnstrom

Still doesn’t stop me from getting excited. Apparently, Fabian Brunnström was a highly sought after unrestricted free agent, which is all I needed to hear. Plus, he has an umlaut in his name, which, to me, is better than not having one if you don’t have anything else to go on.

→ 2 CommentsTags: Dallas Stars · Harvey Bars · NHL · Umlauts

Thanks YouTube For Permanently Disabling Our Entire Profile

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 8th, 2008

You Tube. Go fuck yourself.

Maybe a warning would suffice next time as opposed to say, just deleting our profile and all the videos we had up. No one actually reads the Terms of Service. I can’t speak for Buda Rico, but I hope everyone enjoyed my videos because I come from the school of thought that says archiving and backing up your files is for pussies. We’ll be back on soon though, maybe as Sirico Tuave.

→ 1 CommentTags: Fuck You Tube · Harvey Bars

I’m Charles Barkley?

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 8th, 2008

Via Odenized.

→ No CommentsTags: Charles Barkley · Harvey Bars · NBA · TV · Video

Richard Jefferson Charged With Assault With A Deadly High-Pitched, Effeminate Voice

Posted by Harvey Bars
May 7th, 2008

Richard Jefferson

That’s just what I’m guessing. I didn’t feel like reading all of the article.

→ No CommentsTags: Harvey Bars · NBA · Richard Jefferson

Brad Ausmus: Dual Eligibility Fantasy Stud Video Mash-Up

Posted by Buda Rico
May 7th, 2008


What’s your favorite Brad Ausmus highlight? Mine’s…uh…the time he…went left and then right…and threw…the thing about ethics is…Ok, I don’t have a favorite Brad Ausmus moment. And judging by his YouTube videos, I’m not the only one. But a few weeks back, Ausmus entered the 9th inning of a close game as a 2nd Baseman. America, Fuck yeah! The “Defensive Replacement” made about 500 unnecessary hand movements to help sell the fact that he belonged out there even though he obviously didn’t. Then guess what happened? The inning ended and Ausmus wasn’t forced to field a single ball. BORING! I don’t have the editing skills to digitally send a baseball screaming towards second base, but I can juice up the highlights. Warning: Brad Ausmus is a real Major League Baseball player, not a paid celebrity, so to help tell his story we hired Leslie Nielsen and Bob Costas.

Totally Unrelated. Ever wish you had two hours of your life back?

→ 5 CommentsTags: Ausomest · Bad Video Ideas · Bob Costas · Buda Rico · Fantasy Sports · MLB · Movies

Games Suck

Posted by Roger Dorn
May 6th, 2008

Want to have a potato sack race, son? Only the bag is plastic and I’m going to put it over your head. Go! Courtesy of Rotoworld:

Free agent DL Darrion Scott was formally charged today for allegedly assaulting his son last week. Scott will face two felony charges and one misdemeanor charge. The boy’s mother allegedly found Scott holding a dry cleaning bag over the child’s head on April 26. Scott told police the two were playing a game with the bag, and Scott wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head by himself.

Photobucket

→ 2 CommentsTags: NFL · Roger Dorn · Suffocating Children