Tirico Suave

Andre Iguodala is all over the web this weekend, first with a trick shot during practice and now this video, in which he channels his inner Dominique in order to make Courtney Lee feel even worse about playing for the Nets.

And while I have your attention, Richard Jefferson’s dunk over Greg Oden last night wasn’t too shabby either.

Jesus Christ, is that Jonathan Brandis in drag laying a whooping on some soccer gals? What’s that? Oh right, Jonathan Brandis is dead. Ok sorry, it’s definitely not him.

OK, let’s break down FOX’s latest gaffe from the Yankees’ parade. This one deals with World Series MVP Hideki Matsui and the fact that he’s — gasp — Japanese!

Six-second mark: Fox’s waspy reporter gets a glimpse of Hideki Matsui. His discovery and ensuing yelp is akin to Steve Irwin stumbling upon on a python/crocodile orgy. “THERE’S THE MUCH SOUGHT AFTER MATSUI CREATURE!”

14-second mark: Rosanna Scotto puts her Rosetta Stone box-set to use, imploring us how to say “come on over” in Japanese. Shockingly, it’s simply “Hideki.”

18-second mark: HER JAPANESE IS NOT THAT GOOD!?!?!?!?

23-second mark: A look into the Barbie reporter’s psyche: Fuck the language barrier. I’ve got tits and a few warm holes.

31-second mark: Scotto: “Go work your culturally insensitive magic, Pau Gasol!”

33-second mark: The waspy reporter — I’m pretty sure it’s him, at least — shows off his Japanese skills. “AY, YA, YA, YA, YA, YA, OKAY,” he screams, embodying every poor stereotype this side of Tokyo. Wow. Just wow.

41-second mark: Barbie reporter informs us that Hideki can, in fact, speak some English. She imitates the World Series MVP, sounding like a guard at a WWII Japanese internment camp.

44-second mark: With only a few seconds left in the clip, we have our first semblance of “truth.” This ordeal, after all, was quite funny.

FOX News is reporting live all day from the Yankees’ World Series parade in Manhattan.

Per usual, the coverage is absolutely hilarious.

And we can thank bubbly “reporter” Rosanna Scotto for this dose of humor.

Now, let’s break that clip down.

Scotto, paired up with some faceless wasp, summed up the excitement of seeing the deep-pocketed ballplayers arrive. She then proceeded to talk about the players’ “wives, and families, girlfriends and gumadas.”

Seeing as the word “gumada” isn’t generally thrown around outside the borders Little Italy, I went to the scholarly journal known as Urban Dictionary.

A mistress. Generally used by Americans of Southern Italian descent. Thought to be derived from the from proper Italian noun “cumadre”.

As long as you take care of the house and the kids and are around most of the time, a good italian wife doesn’t mind if you get a gumada.

If I recall from my Italian upbringing — which consisted of Sopranos episodes and ketchup-covered pasta — a gumada is needed to suck one’s dick. You know, you don’t want your fuckin-a wife kissin’ your kids’ a-fucking mouth with-a fucking-a sperm drippin’ down her lips.

So, there you have it.

The no-look pass might be single favorite type of play from any and all sports. Well, as long as you don’t count ‘Horrific Injuries‘ as a type of play. Why the NBA hasn’t made a compilation DVD of the best passes of all time is beyond me.

In honor of the Detroit Lions signing Jason David, I present you with the definitive “Jason David Getting Beat, Run Over Or Just Flat Out Abused” gallery, in reverse chronological order:



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I certainly didn’t wake up today expecting to see former USC coach Tim Floyd breaking up a white trash casino cat fight, but courtesy of Herm’s Perm, here we are:

In the words of the formidable Reverend Slick, “Turn out the liiiiiiiights, the party’s oooooover!”

Oh by the way, the kid’s still in intensive care and his mom was at the game and fainted when she saw the hit, so maybe you should stop being such a sadist prick and show some class for once. For shame.

Listen, dickhead, I can only imagine how awful it is to wake every morning, look out your window and see the city of Detroit staring back at you, but seriously, booing the rookie QB already? After eight GODDAMN games, dummy?!!?! Do you think the Millen stink just washes that easily and that all of a sudden the Lions would be putting up 35 points every week while in the midst of the playoff hunt? No, you short-fused, white-haired retard, turning around an abysmal sports franchise takes time. Not as long as they used to take, but certainly longer than eight games. And besides, this team did not win one game last season. This year is essentially nothing more than extended preseason for 2010 and beyond.


You’re a 60-year-old unathletic man who wears glasses and deliberately tucks in his t-shirts. You really should not be yelling at anyone not related to you by blood unless they’re leaving flaming bags of shit on your doorstep. The $10-$50 you paid for your seat doesn’t give the right to act like an asshole for no reason. And, not for nothing, I see you were at the stadium, but did you even watch the godeffing game? I’m not all too sure you did because if you had perhaps you would have noticed their two best offensive weapons sitting on the sidelines with injuries? Or maybe you saw that his targets he did have were named Dennis Northcutt and Bryant Johnson. And sure, it sucks losing to an inferior team like the Rams (yes, they are inferior) but all a win would have really done was given us worse draft picks come April. And considering that all of the Lions top picks from last year’s draft are already paying legitimate dividends, one more year of picking near the top of every round for Mayhew and Schwartz would be a good thing.


Let me take on a guided tour down memory lane. Do these names rings a bell? Joey Harrington, Dan Orlovsky, Drew Henson, Drew Stanton, Mike McMahon, Charlie Batch, Stoney Case….seriously STONEY FRIGGIN’ CASE. These are some of the human beings the Lions mistakenly paid money for over the last decade or so to act as the team’s quarterback. I openly pine for the days of Scott Mitchell, who by the way, had like two good seasons and is by far the best QB the team has seen since Bobby Layne, who played for Detroit when there were only 48 states. So the team finally has someone who not only looks like he is going to be a talented player but also said he wanted to play in Detroit for the love of fuck! and now, at 1-7 you decide want to arbitrarily blow your gasket and give him shit. I understand you don’t have a lot of time left but you really need to exert some patience, ass. You should also write a letter of apology to young Matthew as well. You don’t have to but if you decline, I swear to Barry, every night before I go to bed, I will pray that you drop dead of a massive heart attack in front of your grandchildren on Christmas morning.

It’s about time Ronald provided the internet with a new photo of himself. I think it’s safe to say we were all getting pretty tired of seeing this one or this one.